I meant to post this one 1st - sorry!
I had been anticipating the 4th Habit for so long... well, here it is.
If there was a game show called “Win/Win or No Deal” No one would watch it. How much could ratings soar during a show where everyone wins? We have probably been pre-programmed in our DNA (this is just my opinion) to distinguish between winning and losing. It would make sense if it were part of our survival instinct to “come out on top”. This is most useful when hunting – for if you lose, you starve and die. Not to mention the occasional running away from a predator, where losing means getting killed. No doubt competition must have been fierce to be the “alpha male” of the tribe. Therefore, there is that “striving to compete” in us as well. Times have changed since we were cave-dwellers. Like they say, the more things change, the more things stay the same. Most of the time, we will all look for the win to our favor. We want to still look for competition, and seek to be “on top”. In our new jungle of steel and glass, it feels sometimes like only the backdrop has changed. There is plenty of competition to be “top dog”, agendas to create “job security” for themselves and ego-boosting displays that are very much win/lose. So, is there such a thing where there is healthy competition where everyone wins? That is win/win? Although I have not witnessed this often, Mr. Covey believes there is. This is at the heart of Habit 4: “Think Win/Win”.
Think Win/Lose
From my experience, this is the most typical.
We will try to manipulate situations to obtain a certain outcome (mostly to our benefit). We do this very well as children when we either cry or make that face to get what we want. As we get older, we get things we want sometimes at the expense of others – and think nothing of it. “Yep – I sealed the deal”. That’s all that matters. Any slight or omission of information to get by and get the desired outcome is all “part of the game”. I win, you lose. There can only be one winner… right?
Think Lose/Win
Sometimes, the opposite is true. You want to lose, so the other wins. Why? Like the lyrics say “The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care”. It doesn’t matter so much that you didn’t get the desired outcome, but if you show that you “sacrificed” it should stand for something. Almost like a “mini-martyr” – there were several times in my life where I felt I was better off “losing the battle to win the war”. But it still is manipulation – especially if emotions are involved.
Think Win/Win
A concept of “enough for all mentality” was new to me during this read. I always felt that in any dealings, the outcome had to reflect something that was favorable for me – either in the short-term or long-term. I never cared much for “the other side” of the bargaining table. As a result of this, there was always be a “wall” between us. It is no wonder that I always felt tension with whomever I’d be trying to negotiate with. Instead of trying to understand the needs and reaching an agreement that would make us both genuinely smile… we would reach a compromise, grin and bear.
I quite honestly do not see myself applying “win/win” anytime soon. Unless it’s at home. I’m too hard-wired in the business world to look out for my best interest, or that of the company I work for. At home, I trust my wife implicitly. I would definitely want to seek win/win because whatever makes her happy – makes me happy. In essence it is quite easy to practice it at home.
Is there a Lose/Lose?
Absolutely. I’m sure I’ve been there a few times in my life. Feeling so down and out – that whoever was “responsible” for putting me there was going to hurt with me at any cost. That is, even at my expense – knowing you’re going to lose, you take them down with you anyway. For example, trying to embarrass someone and wind up embarrassing yourself in the process.
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